2 posts tagged “london underground”

On the up escalator at Oxford Circus there are 11 identical adverts featuring a woman in a bikini. This morning I noted that out of all of them, only one didn't have at least one chewing gum nipple.

Sometimes it can seem like society has lost the ability to have compassion for strangers. We all live in our own little world and just find it easier to turn a blind eye when someone we don't know is trouble. But yesterday I discovered that the flame of human kindness is still burning brightly. Via the medium of vomiting.

So there I was, on the platform at White City station, reacquainting myself with my lunch. I was particularly mortified that I hadn't managed to find a toilet or even a drain to discharge the contents of my stomach into and imagined that my fellow passengers were recoiling in disgust at this horrifying faux pas. But as I squatted there, calling out for my friend 'Ralph', I heard a voice behind me inquire 'Are you alright?'. I managed to mutter something about food poisoning, and turned to find the whole platform looking at me with concern. A bit embarrassed to be holding the attention of so many people with my bodily functions, I thought I'd better say sorry, but there was a general muttering of 'that's alright'  and 'we understand'. One particularly kindly old lady said 'Better out than in'. I was truly touched by this warmth of human kindness that my antiperistalsis had produced. Perhaps there is hope for the human race after all, as long as we keep on vomiting in public places.

I later went on to discover a new use for the bidet in my ensuite bathroom. Also via the medium of vomiting.

Puke: the mother of invention.